My chronological age, not to be announced, places me at the inception of the “Me” generation, which could have catapulted me into a life of ease. A workday assessing the cacao content of bon bons followed by a chauffer-driven excursion to the mall to buy yet another pair of vital black shoes. Unfortunately, I did not read the small print – “Me” came to mean if there is a hole, fill it, even if it is in someone else’s backyard; a job incomplete, a need, problem, or emotion to assuage; it is my job. Being a “Caretaker” is similar to being the “vacuumer,” the vacuum, and the electric charge, all at once. You end up exhausted and pick up “stuff” that was not yours in the first place.
If you are attracted to Healing Touch or the healing professions in general, chances are that you have signed a similar agreement. Funny how there is an equivalent number of people with the opposite notarized contract, isn’t it? For every one of us that says, “Me. I’ll do it!” there is another person living the axiom, “I’ll let you do it!”
It has taken me decades to understand my part of the bargain. Within myself lives a little girl who never believed she deserved. Deserved what, you could ask? Deserved to be helped, seen, heard, whatever it might be. Over time, I became frightened of “not doing” because I did not want to risk showing my own needs. I did not want to be ridiculed or worse, let down. That might mean I am not lovable. In being over-responsible, I failed to perceive that I was actually acting under-responsibly to myself.
If you are tempted toward over-responsibility, you might have your own reasons. Many therapists can help with this problem. I know. I have met many of them. Unfortunately, I have yet to engage one who walks behind me whispering, “Say no” in my ear when I need it. I must serve as my own coach.
I write chakra books. There is a reason that the “Someone Above” decided I needed to become a chakra expert, even though it was not exactly my first choice of profession. There is not yet a check-off box on career development sheets for “Chakra Queen” or an IRS job code that covers energy work. Learning about chakras has taught me a lot, especially about the importance of self-care and ways to use energetic systems to accomplish it.
Each chakra or energy center plays a role in the ultimate mission of life: authenticity. To be authentic is to be true to self and others. This interactive goal helps us self-realize but also be of service. You can see where this is going. The “over-responsible” set leans toward honoring others, the “under-responsible” group, toward respecting the self. Neither approach is balanced. Neither creates healthy relationships or true fulfillment.
Each chakra actually carries a key to help us represent ourselves and to also honor others. Each chakra is innately programmed with a basic right, such as to survive, to feel, and to think. The implication is that everyone else is invested with these same basic rights. It is our job to support our own rights while acknowledging those of others. It is not really their job to meet our needs or ours to meet theirs, however, unless we have already made an agreement, such as a mother feeding her children or a mate carrying his or her part of the household expenses.
Let me give an example, one that involves the fifth chakra. This is the communication center in the throat. Here lies our right to hear and share truths. Let’s say a friend asks if we can pick her up at the airport. We are over-scheduled already—son Jimmy needs new sports equipment, daughter Sally has a violin lesson, we have a work project to finish, the dog has not been walked in something like ten days, dinner is not even thawed, and our “spousal unit” is out of town. But we say “yes” because she exercised her right to ask. We do not even think of suggesting she takes a taxi or even offering to pay for one, if she does not have the funds and we do.
What happened to our truth? Maybe we were not taught we have a right to our own rights. Maybe, as per the presented scenario, we are so “out of tune” that we can’t even hear the little voice inside that says, “I don’t have time.” It is a little late to proffer our truth when we are still up at dawn finishing our work project.
We can, however, stop and think before we jump forward. We can evaluate which chakra holds the key-code to this situation and evaluate how to best represent our self and care for
Following is my synopsis of some of the basic rights infused within each chakra, as per the Twelve-chakra system I share in my books. I suggest you develop your own set of codes, using these as a basis, and see what happens when you are worth it.
I have one more piece of advice. There are certain times you ALWAYS want to say yes. These include offers involving chocolate, maid service, free gifts of money, and unlimited massages.
About the author:
Cyndi Dale is the author of The Subtle Body: An Encyclopedia of Your Energetic Anatomy, and eight other bestselling books on energy healing, including The Complete Book of Chakra Healing. She has worked with over 30,000 clients in the past 20 years. To learn more about Cyndi, her work, books and products please visit: www.cyndidale.com.